Pride
by Sushigirl07
Summary: Song Fic: Will Faye let her pride keep her from the man she loves? Or will it make him see he loves her. //Don't leave me now that you see me.//


Pride  
  
AN: Okee.here is another one of my lil ol' song fics cause I simply love writin' them! It's like durin' the season, maybe around Hard Luck Woman. Somebody asked once what inspires me well most of the stuff that does inspire me are songs! Any way I hope ya'll like it! I know the revelation thing has been done to death but I'll try and make it original and if I fail at least it seems to be popular...but I hate popular things.well some, okee I'm done.POV is Faye's //song lyrics//  
  
I sat alone in the silent dark recesses of my room. Through the hazy smoke from the cigarette I held lazily between my fingers I could see the old canvas suitcase lying on my cold mattress. Everything seemed cold in that room but I couldn't feel a thing, nothing not even the cold. It was something someone long ago had told me, if you can't feel then you can't get hurt. Maybe that's why he won't feel for me, he's afraid that if he feels again he'll get hurt again.like when he let himself feel his emotions for that women.Julia. I can't take it anymore. I can't take the hate he pushes on me. I tried to bury my feelings, but whenever he came closer my knees would go weak and I'd have to hide it with a snide remark pushing him farther away so I wouldn't feel. But I let myself feel these emotions, and now I've been hurt. I can't take it so I'm leaving.  
  
I crept off of my bed picking up the light suitcase and silently walking to my door. I looked around once more at the cold, bleak room and closed the door. I looked down the left corridor and then the right before deciding they were both vacant. I turned right and started trudging down the corridor to the hanger. That hall never seemed so long and cold before. The empty cold that only could be the score of rejected love. I walked past the doorway to the living room. I stopped as I heard the soft movement of fabric that came from within. I looked around inside the room and tried to see in the dark. After a moment my eyes adjusted and I saw a lanky form sprawled out on the yellow couch. There he was the one person that filled my heart with both love and hate at the same time. Just laying there oblivious to everything. I wanted to run into the room and curl up in his arms forever, but my legs wouldn't move. All I had left was my pride and I wasn't going to loose that.  
  
//Jlo: Its such a shame but I'm leaving can't take the way you mistreated me And its crazy, but oh baby it don't matter whatever don't phase me//  
  
I heard him move, my breath stopped. What if he saw me, what if he's not asleep, and what if he wants to stop me.no he would never do that. Then I heard it, his smooth voice cutting through silent night. "Where are you goin'?" I wanted to run right then but something kept me standing there in the hall dumbstruck. I didn't move when he got up. I didn't move when he walked arrogantly to me. I didn't move when he was an inch from my face. I could feel his warm breath puffing lightly against my skin. I looked at his miss-matched eyes through the dark knowing his were doing the same to mine. "Leaving. " My cold voice hid the silent pain I felt tearing at my heart. He was so close and so warm. What if he asked why. Would I tell him the truth make him feel guilty, he wouldn't feel a thing.  
  
//LL cool j: I don't believe you wanna leave like this I don't believe I just had my last real kiss I do believe we'll laugh and reminisce wait a minute, don't bounce Baby let's talk about this, miss//  
  
"Why?" I couldn't read his voice, if he was just asking out of obligation and politeness, wait this is Spike. I wanted to hurt him as bad as he hurt me every time he looked at me. I wanted him to feel something, if not love for me then deep pain for making me leave. Maybe I was leaving for the wrong reasons, no I had to hold onto my pride, I had to hold on to my anger. "You." I had taken the first step down the wrong path, I hadn't thought he would ask why but he did. "What do you mean me?" I thought for a moment, I'm leaving so I mine as well tell him everything.  
  
"Spike.I love you." I whispered in a mixed tone, love, hate, and anger mingled together. "But you." I had to keep my pride. I had to hurt him. " you are to caught up in your self and all your pain. Always having to be the tragic lover mourning his loss. You can't see what's right in front of you cause you're are to goddamn self center-" He broke my sentence with a sudden movement. I felt his lips on mine as he pushed me back against the cold wall of the corridor. I wanted to give in and feel his warmth, I wanted to kiss him back with all the love I felt for him. Why did I keep doing this, I couldn't just be one thing, angry, arrogant, in love, no I had to change every second. I felt a salty tear make its way down my cheek as I brought my hands to his tight chest. 'No!' I couldn't do it at first, he was too warm, too inviting, too Spike. I found my pride and my anger again thinking that he might just be playing a sick mind game with me. I shoved him away suddenly. "NO! You've hurt me too much already. All I have left is my pride and I won't loose that! I'm leaving Spike and you can't stop me."  
  
//Jlo: Well I'm bouncin' and I'm out son I gotta leave you alone Cause I'm good, I'm holdin' down my spot and I'm good, rep'n the girls on the block and I'm good, I got this thing on lock So without me you'll be fine, right?//  
  
"You'll be just fine with out me!" I yelled as I stomped towards the hanger door.  
  
//jlo: all my pride is all I have//  
  
'He can't stop me.' I heard him walking quickly behind me. I walked into the hanger and tried to close the door but he stopped it and kept following me.  
  
//ll cool j: pride is what you had baby girl I'm what you have//  
  
"Your pride Faye? What PRIDE? You of all people should know you never had pride. Walkin' around like that. Your ass hangin' outta your shorts, showin' off your body for god and everyone! What pride are you talkin' about?" I stopped and turned on my heal.  
  
//jlo: you'll be needing me but too bad//  
  
He had crossed that line. So I might as well too. I raised my hand and let it fly. He didn't do anything to stop it. Why? Probably his stupid façade of "playin' it cool all the time." But it didn't matter then. All that mattered to me was that I hurt him, made him feel that pain.  
  
//ll cool j: be easy don't make decisions when you mad//  
  
"Faye you're not thinking straight. Your to angry to make a major choice like this." Why was he trying to stop me?  
  
/./jlo: the pack you chose to run along ll cool j: I know you're independent you can make it on your own//  
  
"I know you don't need me, or this place. I know you could make it on your own. But didn't you ever think what you'd be doing to us?" Who was he talking about? Not himself. "How others would feel if you just left in the middle of the night with out one word!" I could see the anger in his eyes flare in the dim light. He paused and searched my face. "It seems to me you are the one who is self centered." This wasn't working. He always did this, turned the tables to his advantage. It'd be great if you were on his side but I was never on his side though I had wanted to be since I saw him.  
  
//jlo: here with me you had a home//  
  
"You don't want me here! You never wanted me here!" I screamed turning my back to him so he wouldn't see the tears that now masked my face. I felt him touch my shoulder before spinning me around. He was calm. He pulled me to himself in a warm hug. I just wanted to be comforted. I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted him to love me, kiss my tears away. "Don't say that Faye." I felt his warm hand cradle the back of my head as I breathed in his intoxicating sent.  
  
//ll cool j: but time is of the essence, why spend it on your own//  
  
"Faye I want to tell you something nobody else knows about me, not even Jet." I pulled my arms to my chest dropping the suitcase. I wanted to know what he was talking about, why he was telling me this. "When my father died I was alone, completely alone. I had been abandoned, he had left me." He stroked my hair tenderly. I clutched his shirt. "When I was with Julia I had the constant fear that she'd leave me, I knew she would, she'd pick him over me, she just wanted a change for a while that's why she came to me. I left first, I left before she could, I left just like my father left me." I could feel the pain in his voice. "Now you're leaving me. I can't let you just walk out on me like my father did because." he pause. "I don't hate you as much as you think Faye."  
  
//jlo: some nights I waited up for you (oh boy) promises you made about comin' thru so much time you wasted that's why I had to replace you//  
  
What did he mean? Did he love me.or just not hate me. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked him looking up at his sad face. " Because I don't want you to leave me." He smiled and let me go. 'Spike what are you doin' to me?' Was he just going to hurt me again? Or was he ready to feel? "You're so easy to manipulate." (shhhh he's just doin' that because he really showed his true self, but Faye don't know that.) That anger and hate all bubbled up again and sent tears spilling over my eyes. "Was that all just a LIE?" I screamed backing away from him. He was like me, he could stay with one emotion.  
  
//LL cool j: it makes a cat nervous: the thought of settling down especially me, I was creepin' all over town thought my tender touch could lock ya down I knew I had you, as cocky as it sounds the way you used to giggle right before I put it down its better when you angry, come here I'll prove it now//  
  
He followed me until I backed into my ship. "Come on Faye. You know its betta when you're mad." (used the song sorry) He leered arrogantly letting his hands touch my face softly.  
  
//jlo: stop playing, you gamin, I gotta leave you alone cause I'm good holdin down my spot and I'm good, rep'n the girls on the block and I'm good, I got this thing on lock so without me you'll be fine, right? (here we go)//  
  
"I won't let you play games with my feelings Spike." I shoved him back tripping him.  
  
//jlo: all my pride is all I have//  
  
"You ain't neva gonna find love again cause you Spike are too caught up trying to keep your façade up. You don't let anyone see the real you. I have pride. At least enough to know that you only go lucky once with Julia cause she was bored fuckin' your friend." I made him feel that pain, I knew I got to him.  
  
//ll cool j: pride is what you had baby girl I'm what you have//  
  
His eyes flashed over me. He grabbed my wrist and held them over my head. "You Faye will never find true love because the only men who will get in you pants are just lookin' for a one night stand!" He didn't know how deep that cut. Since before I literally could remember I had believed in true love and that someday my prince charming would come and take me away. His grip tightened around my wrist as he slammed them against my ship wanting an answer. "Do you have a clever come back for that FAYE?" He screamed in my face.  
  
//jlo: you'll be needing me but too bad//  
  
"You need ME to fill HER cause you're hard up!" I screamed back.  
  
//ll cool j: be easy don't make decisions when you mad//  
  
His expression stayed as he looked over my face. I didn't know what he was looking for. I hated him so much then but I was dieing from being so close to his body. I wanted to smack him but then kiss him. He looked away from me and let go of my wrist. He walked away from me. He walked to the hanger wall and leaned against it his face hidden in the dark. My heart reached out to him. I let my heart lead me to him. "Spike."  
  
//jlo: the pact you chose to run along ll cool j: I know you're independent you can make it on your own//  
  
"You're right Faye you don't need us but we need you. You should just go." His voice was so cold, so hurt. I had done it. I had hurt him. I had made him feel. But I didn't feel what I was suppose to. I had broken Spike. I loved him because he could never be broken. I had done something so wrong. I didn't want this. I never wanted this.  
  
//jlo: here with me you had a home ll cool j: but time is of the essence, why spend it on your own, huh? people make mistakes to make up, to break up to wake up cold and lonely, chill baby you know me love me I'm like your homie instead of beefin' come hold me I promise I'm not a phony don't bounce baby console me//  
  
"Spike.I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. She was your first love. And I'm sure that other women love you, but they might never be loved by you." I told him what he was doing to me. "Because I know I love you. And I know you will never love me."  
  
//jlo: ain't nothing you can say to me that can change my mind I gotta let you go now and nothing will ever be the same so just be on your way go ahead and do your thing now and there's no more to explain to me you know I know you came on and feelin' whatcha do (and I'm good) and I'm bouncin, I'm out son (and I'm good) I gotta leave you alone//  
  
I turned away from him and walked to my ship letting the warm tears fall freely. 'He will never love me.he was right.'  
  
//jlo: all my pride is all I have//  
  
"Now you're doin' it.just like my dad." I turned around to see him right behind me. "You change faster then I do Spike." I told him sadness still filling my heart.  
  
//ll cool j: pride is what you had baby girl I'm what you have jlo: you'll be needing me but too bad//  
  
"I told you the truth before Faye." He looked down at the floor. "You were right, what you said about her. I see now that she never had her heart in it. I was just a fool falling into her web of lies." He looked up into my eyes.  
  
//ll cool j: be easy don't make decisions when you mad jlo: the pact you chose to run along ll cool j: I know you're independent you can make it on your own//  
  
"Spike." I didn't know what was going on. A moment ago I though he hated me, but I guess I had smacked him into reality. I had smashed his dream world.  
  
//jlo: here with me you had a home ll cool j: but time is of the essence, why spend it on your own//  
  
"Faye.did you lie when you told me you loved me?" He asked taking my hand.  
  
//jlo: all my pride is all I have//  
  
'What pride do I have, I'd give my pride away for one more kiss from his tender lips.' "No Spike I told you the truth, before I just let my pride get in the way."  
  
//ll cool j: pride is what you had baby girl I'm what you have//  
  
"Faye your pride is what you had." He brought his face to my ear. "I'm what you have."  
  
//jlo: you'll be needing me but too bad//  
  
"Spike you do need me.." I whispered kissing his cheek.  
  
//ll cool j: be easy don't make decisions when you mad jlo: the pact you chose to run along ll cool j: I know you're independent you can make it on your own//  
  
He laughed quietly.  
  
//jlo: here with me you had a home ll cool j: but time is of the essence, why spend it on your own//  
  
'Don't leave me now that you see me.'  
  
**************************************************************************** ** AN: See my theory is that Spike has a lil thing I call fear of commitment. So when he tells Faye this and she tells him he loves her he gets sorta defensive and they fight, but she smacks him to see that she is there in front of him loving him for who he is.please tell me what you think.is it a lil to confusing? Sorry. R&R! 


End file.
